im leaving for australia in about half hour time. hope i'll enjoy my vacation there. see u guys around soon!
Saturday, December 9, 2006
BTN was not as horrific as I imagine. Really. With pleasant facilitators, fun LDKs and kembara (I like going into the woods sometimes heh) you couldnt ask for more. I mean it was waaaay different than my last BTN back then when I was schooling. One exceptional would be they took our mobile phones away for 3 days. I can see some people seperti cacing kepanasan!Haha! Including me laa...How does it feel then? Oh, for me it was a bit distracting. I feel like loosing a limb. I feel like walking around naked ya know. Everything seemed wrong. Hehe...Ya i missed my handphone. My handphone okey, read my lips!I missed touching and caressing it before I go to bed (eewww disgust u suhana!)
So anyway, this is where my journey ends. I feel happy BTN was over. Yet I feel sad. This is where we go our separate ways. I cried like madness ok. When will we see each other again? We've gone through soo many hard times during KPLI. No one can understand that.And I mean NO ONE. Im sorry if anything girls. And thank you for everything. Yes we may had some stupid arguments, catfights or whatever. But trust me u guys put some colurs into my life. Come on laa...Imagine world without villains. Those superheroestak dapat cari makan ok??
I remember few years back I used to complaint of having so many spare time while everybody else seemed so busy. And had no time for me. That was because they all did their assignments last minutes and I didnt.Heh. Kidding. No really. Now I know how does it feel to be kept busy...unwillingly. I have no time for my family, my friends let alone myself. I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to my dear friends for my long silence. I know some of u might think that im creating excuses for not keeping in touch. Like I said before only KPLIans know (especially in MPPM) what is going on in their lives this whole year. I was very devoted I cant even remember when was the last time I shop for new clothes.Im sorry I keep on delaying our meet ups and all. I will try my best to make it up to u guys okey.Cheers. To Amzari sorry for not spending much time with u (luckily u r as bz as me too hehe).
To all Science secondary PGTC 2006 I wish u girls all the best wherever u are. Till we meet again. These are some shots taken during our sweet year. Enjoy!
Friday, December 1, 2006
No way this can be a deceiving matter. The thing is im done with my killer course. I've gone through all the obstacles! I've completed all the assignments that never fail to driving me nuts. I also have passed the practicum weeks which started somewhat as disaster really, but with a happy ending (this is where I met him *wink wink*). And most of all I manage to sit for my fatal final exam which was quite okaaaay laaa...Dun wanna think bout it. Above all else, Im very thankful to God that Im still alive.With full sanity!No kidding!What a big relief...
So technically I've graduated. Woohooo!!!
Today is my final week of induction.Three weeks of lecturing u should be glad did not puke by the end of the day. Belive me..U would't wanna do it twice.We wrapped up the whole sickening week with yet another exams. Funny with this exam stuff.The more I try to avoid it the more I bump into it.Haiyyooo...I still got another round in the end of BTN week.Sheeeeshhhh.Sabar je laa
What's left is to wait for our posting which makes my heart stop a beat and malfunctioning my digestive system insatntly just thinking about it. One of my friends already got hers.She'll be allocated in Sarawak.I dunno whether to take this as a good news or a bad one.
To all KPLI guys. Be strong and I wish u luck wherever u'll be after this.Im sure u guys will be fine.
Me? Fingers crossed!!!
Sunday, October 29, 2006
So how was your hari raya? Mine was a special week full of food inputting without a single guilt HAHA. And seriously, the result was damn instant and soooo obvious.Im now a turn to be a complete fat cow!
Anyway I got lotsa hari raya wishes from friends everywhere. Mostly thru sms. Of coz, I prefer cards but hey, the thought that counts eh? Thanks a lot friends. But there was this one sms from my dear anonymous student which was very much unlikely than the other. See it started of something like this:
Anonymous student:Cikgu saya pass science test!!
Great teacher Anna (GTA)/Me: Oh, good for u congrats!Baru lah best nak beraya kan.
AS:Best cikgu, tapi kan saya ada satu soalan sains nak tanya la cikgu.Boleh tak?
I was like, whats wrong with this kid? I mean, you are suppose to stash your books (temporarily hehe) and stuff your tummy with food.Lotsa food.Not cramming your brain with this matter anymore.Haiyya.This person really was testing the credibility of a teacher which until now Im still unsure whether I hv it or not.But still, nak jaga ethics keguruan aku pun layan lah budak ni.Mana tau kan this person might come to be the next best student PMR next year thanx to me for entertaining his/her curiosity.So it continued something like this....
AS: Pasal stability. Macam mana nak kira kedudukan objek?
GTA: (Dumbstrucked.......Actually I do not know the answer to that, but it has something to do with some formula.Im quite sure about that.No Im confident !)Sorry dear, saya tak sure pasal tu. Tapi ada formula dia kan?Try tgk dlm buku rujukan ye!
AS: Okey, cikgu takpe. Saya ingat maybe cikgu ada cara yg lebih mudah. Saya kurang paham guna rumus tu.Selamat hari raya cikgu.
GTA: Okey.Selamat Hari Raya.
Pheeewwww....If you really don't know, just say so. Its okey.Ape ingat cikgu ni tau ke semua bende.Nak nak macm aku ni I pretend to look like I hv eveything on my fingertips LOL!
So have a nice hari raya all!
Sunday, October 15, 2006
I have these few friends (should i call them friends anymore??) that always come to me and pour every single mean things just to make themselves feel better laa of course.
And putting yourself in my shoe, what would you think? I mean, on the bright side, yes maybe I am the one they turn to when they are down thank you, but come to think of it I can no longer take the harsh words coming out of their filthy mouth (hah! now I said it!).Are they actually mad at me? Or simply envy the new life I'm embarking right now.Hehe .Nonsense.
Anyway, seriously what should I do? Im not getting any credits for helping this kind of people. In fact I am left stressed out!I think those people, they taking advantage of my lineancy to the max.I cant take it anymore.I can no longer give excellent service.Poor me.The weary old punching bag.....
Monday, October 9, 2006
Yup! You got me right. Love fills till the top of my lungs. I can hardly breath, I am having constant chest pains, my heart beats twice the usual which contrary to all norms, I kinda like it heheh...
Seriously, tell me. Is this how it feels to be in love.Or is my chest pain has something to do with other symptoms?? Yikes!!!
Disini kau dan aku
menjalani kasih sayang
pernahkah kau menguntai
hari paling indah
ku ukir nama kita berdua
disini surga kita
bila kita mencintai yg lain
mungkin kah hati ini akan tegar
sebisa mungkin tak akan pernah
sayang ku akan hilang
if u love somebody
could we be this strong
i will fight to win
our love will conquer all
wouldn't reach my love
even just one night
our love will stay in my heart
pernahkah kau menguntai
hari paling indah
ku ukir nama kita berdua
disini surga kita
bila kita mencintai yg lain
mungkin kah hati ini akan tegar
sebisa mungkin tak akan pernah
sayang ku akan hilang
bila kita mencintai yg lain
mungkin kah hati ini akan tegar
sebisa mungkin tak akan pernah
sayang ku akan hilang
if u love somebody
could we be this strong
i will fight to win
our love will conquer all
wouldn't reach my love
even just one night
our love will stay in my heart
Sunday, September 17, 2006
I can not belive it! Last Friday was the last day of my practical weeks. Suddenly I felt something strange. I'll be missing those corrupted brats of 4KM1 and those cute lil 2C. Gosh what about Amzari? I never thought what will happened to us. I have no time to think about that. Long distance relationship???No no. I can not think!
Will edit this entry later....
Okey. So he did asked me out. And we went out. A few times already. Each time we went out we will definitely bumped into someone from school. Be it a student, teacher, the hostel keeper....U name it.Why is Melaka so small eh?
At first I was a bit gelabah coz, ye lah kan. Orang dtg sini nak buat practical aku buat keje lain heheh...Anyway, multitasking is my expertise heheh...As I was saying, juicy gossips travel faster than I thought and suddenly we were the talk of the town! It was hotter than Siti-Datuk K. Even hotterer than Ina-Mawi. This time its Anna-Amzari. Already a teacher celebrity @ school (perasan), I feel like on top of the world. LOL!
The good news is, everybody was kinda excited for him actually. Mana tak nye, bertahun-tahun everybody was like trying to matchmake him with their own choices semuanya dia reject. Suddenly, I came into the picture. And he was the one who approached me at first, made some conversation, asked me out bla bla bla...although I was the one who had a lil crush on him at the first place. But he never knew! Okey, I planned to tell him this but that wasnt the main important point here was it not??
He even at his crazy + idiotic moment, proposed to me at wee hour. Yup. He proposed guys! I was already tucking myself in to bed when he called. And what do you think I did? Panick-stricken, brain-freezing, I told him that I wasnt ready. Yeah, go on, you might as well called me stupid, but I was telling the truth! Yes, I've been waiting for him to blurt that phrase out but not this early! Not when all I knew about him was his name. Fullstop.To my biggest relief he was cool about that. He even apologized for the rush. He shouldnt have done that. Sweeeeet...
Am I in love? Wink..wink...Sure! I am addicted to him!I dont care less about what people think of me. All i know I am happy. I never felt this happy for the last several yeras.I am also VERY GLAD that we have everybody's blessings. Its a rare scene for me to see this going on but hey, everyday is a lot meaningful for me these days!!
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
I hate him. I hate him not.Okay. Whatever. The thing is, I am sick of this never ending stupid game of his. Just as I expected, after a week A turns out to be a total stranger to me. Getting back to school was already the most dreaded thing I’d do and now him acting like weirdo??? I mean what’s with him anyway? I don’t see why he should pull the acts of not noticing me when I thought we’re cool with each other. Or so I thought…Was he been hypnotize when he texts me every other day? Was he not himself orrrr was it really not him sending me those stuff???
I mean if he really doesn’t like me he can simply spit it to my face? Okay la paling bodoh pun gimme some hints la like “Oh I still can not get over the fact that Siti married Datuk K sob..sob…”. Fine, I can accept that. But No! He had been all nice, super duper sweet the whole week, which I think would make any girl with sanity, you know like completely perasan la that this guy somehow fancy you. Haih..
Seriously why is he doing this to me? How could he? You see I don’t have enough time. I mean I have tonnes of very very important things ahead of me. My life is like a bullet train. I can no longer wait for anything. Okay, don’t get me wrong here. I am not as desperate as you think. I just wanted to save some time. I don’t like wasting time. Why wait if you can do it now. Bertangguh kerja itu kan amalan syaitan *cough cough* Really I do have a point here. Anyway, with all due respect, sorry to ask, do guys really this slow when it comes to this sort of matter ??
You know, my mum was kinda excited when she found out about A. She even got overreacted when she asked my permission to read texts sent by him. Haha funny mummy! Only that, she doesn’t know for him I only exist virtually…transparence…
I do not know what to think of him anymore. I am so pissed off. I even dragged Ina too far into this matter. She helps me a lot though…Well 3 weeks to go before I end my practical here. I think it’s best for me to just let time decide what’s going to be between us. Let nature take its course!
p/s: Ina, I like your idea. You know about the secret affair hehe…
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Everytime I look at you I wish you look my way
And flash me that dazzling smile that really makes my day
But of course it's just a dream, a dream that won't come true
And for our requited love I wrote this song for u
I always think of how'd it be if we were together
You and me holding hands
I can picture it right now you and me
Its a dream, its a possibility
When I look out of my window I hope you look back at me
If only you could read my heart my loves are true you'll see
How empty my life would be if I don't have you
And for our requited love I wrote this song for you....
Sighs...now that me and A are getting along pretty well, all of a sudden Im not sure how I feel about him. Of course there hasnt been any confession made between us which means I also haven't a clue what he feels about me. See, the thing is I just do not want to repeat the same mistakes again. What if he isnt the one? Will I be wasting another several years?NOOOWAY!!!!
Anyway, so far he nvr fails to text me everyday :D. Sweeet.That is somewhat worth waiting heheh...Well, he seems like a nice person. No, he's not. He annoys me a lot.Very irritating.And still, I like it. Hhhmmm. I think maybe I'll give myself and him a chance to get to know each other before I make my BIG decision. Boy, this lovey dovey thingy really is giving me a headache!
Monday, August 14, 2006
Last week our lecturer Mr Fun came by to observe us. For some reason I was kinda relief and very glad to see him. Suddenly I miss MPPM. I miss being around my dear friends and lecturers. Well not that I hate being here, I love being here as long is A is here but u know...
Anyway, he was supposed to ask about me academically, but no. All he ever asked was "Have u found a friend yet?" followed by tonnes of that sorta question while pretending to check on my lesson plan book. I was like huh? See, Im not sure why but ever since we first step into our class all he wanted to know is my status. And when I told him that I was single, that was when the neverending episodes began. He kept popping the same question so often it freaked me out. The fact that I am still single somehow bothered him a little too much. I told him about my previous relationship which didnt work out after several years. And how was I to know, I was doubling the sorry he already felt for me.
So as I was saying, the first and foremost Q was, have I found a friend. Me pretending to be all straight was like "Sure.I made lotsa friends here". Unsatisfied with my silly answer he push me with some Q's like whats his name?How old is he?Is he a local?Is he a graduate?Haiyya...this old man aaa bukan main-main. He seriously wanted me to settle down! He even ask the teachers in the staffroom if there's a single unmarried teacher here. Obviously all the hintings lead to the sole eligible bachelor A! I was soooo busted! I was half chocked when he asked my discipline teacher to like, adjust me with him. His words really really baffled the teachers. I can feel my face turn blue at that moment. Malunya! Suddenly I felt like sending him back insatntly HAHA!
But wait. The story didnt ends there. When I came back to my parents last week, I had a hair cut. I told my mum that amoi hairdresser thought I look like Siti Nurhaliza and bored me with her stories of how she was a fanatic fan of Siti's. Luckily she didnt volunteer herself to sing her number, or else I might end up a pair of scissors poking in my head! So anyway, mum asked me "So, siti yang ini dah ada Datuk K ke belum?" I was like NOOOOOO....I cannot take those kinda Qs anymore! This isnt good! Suddenly everyone is very concerned. Mum never asked me that sorta Qs SERIOUSLY!She never really cared when Im going to get married. She even got a guy in her mind already. Mum wants to matchmake me too?
Then before she get carried away with this guy of hers, I told him about my darling A hehe. Mum gives me the greenest light Ive ever got from her in my entire life. You just cant imagine how happy I was. For the first time in my life, Mum approved me with someone my own choice!Yeay!
But, the problem is I dont know how A feels for me. I also nvr told him about my feelings. Could it be he.....Oohhh I cant say no more. I have less than a month to do something. Something that makes him not only notice me but feels my presence even when Im not around chewah!
So guys, pleaaaaassee wish me luck. Its now or never!
Thursday, August 3, 2006
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Im totally confused! One minute he was all nice, such a sweettalker and next morning he was cold as ice. Ape ni?
The thing is, we bumped into each other in the dining hall again. I feel like jumping all over tapi tahan jer la. Then he flashed his ultimate dazzling smile. Aiyoh..that was priceless! I actually heard myself screaming inside for more. It went like Do it again! Do it again!
Anyway back to the subject why is he playing this hard to get game on me. I don’t get it?? Act normal la I only wanted to befriend with him. End of story. Hhmmmm…
On a much happier note, I accidentally got to know his birthday! Yeay me! I feel like winning a lottery hehe...
Yesterday, our lecturer, Cikgu Jafri came by to observe me and Ina. We were in the middle of a discussion at the school cantin when suddenly my sleepy eyes caught the attention of this familiarly golden Honda. Grinning almost instantly I was like "Oooo he's still at school hehe..." It was about 3pm according to my watch.
Cikgu Jafri was checking my lesson plan while I practically wandered around searching for my eye candy. Definitely no sign of him here. So off Cikgu Jafri went. It seemed like someone was waiting for him somewhere. On our way home, there he was. I saw him. In a blue shirt. In a class having a discussion with a group of students. I was like Waa, how dedicated a teacher he is. Bagus. Bagus. But hang on, something wasn’t right there.
I turn my head again and yup, all the students were girls! What were they actually doing? Were they really need help? Suspicious betul! They got all the time in the world to be next to Cikgu A and spend time with him. Whereas me? Heck he doesn’t even notice me! He doesn’t even care if I were checking on him now n then. May be he is used to that phenomenal.
Suddenly I realized something. Is this how it feels to be ignored. To be neglected. To be rejected?
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Setiap ada kamu mengapa jantungku
Berdetak lebih kencang
Seperti genderang mau perang
Setiap ada kamu mengapa darahku
Mengalir lebih cepat dari ujung kaki ke ujung kepala
Setiap ada kamu otakku berpikir
Bagaimana caranya untuk berdua bersama kamu
Aku sedang ingin bercinta
Karena mungkin ada kamu disini
haih, angau dah budak suhana ni...
Saturday, July 22, 2006
My life @ SMKLC was nothing but boring to death until last week. His presence really caught my attention. I dunno why. How come I've nvr seen him before? Maybe I was too busy to look around the whole school hehe.
It started when some of the students mentioned his name n apparently trying to matchmake me with him la. I was like not again?? At first I was not interested at all, but somehow I was secretly searching for this teacher in speaking!So there he was. As me n dear mate Ina were having our lunch, dia dengan selambanya fill his plate n join us. Can u imagine? I was like "Oooo so ni la dia Cikgu A.." He was like surrendering himself. No need for me to look for him anymore.Yeay!
So Cikgu A was not that all handsome laa, but there's something about his mysterious look that makes me go uumm a bit wild? Yup, hes got this stern looking face n all but funnily I find it very sexy hehe.Like I said I dunnno why. I've nvr felt this way before for years u know?! It certainly does sounds crazy but, wait till he flashes his nice set of chompers haiiihh....n his eyes aisay...Simply irresistible!
Anyway, I only want to spice my life a lil bit. That's all. Lagipun, I dont think he know my name at all :(.
Well, looks like now I have a reason to wake up every morning n go to school hehe....
Gosh, what am I now a serial stalker????
Monday, July 17, 2006
Remember I once said that Im not the person to pull a stern face and tell someone whats right from wrong? I guess now I have to take back my words. Haaiihhh...
Ni semua gara-gara kelas 4KM1 yang mcm setan tu! Seriously, stepping in the class, I feel like Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Mind instantly. HAHA. The kids I tell u, are sooo spoilt and corrupted.
So anyway, that one historic day, when the tension ran very high and the kids are really getting on my nerves I exploded. Yup. I actually yelled at the whole class. U just can not imagine how satisfying I felt. Aku pulak yg mcm kena rasuk. Kalau laa ada lecturer observe confirm gagal aku heh. The bad thing is, I felt terribly guilty afterwards for throwing harsh words at those brats. But hey, they do deserve that okay?
Well, i know that was my big mistake. But making up with them is a big NO NO. Sometimes u hv to do that u know. Another way to motivate people. Ckp lembut2 ni dh takde effect dah!
Wait! The interesting part is just yet to come. By the day, the class monitor came to me and pass me a letter. My initial reaction was like "Oh, now u want to blackmail me ha? Lu ingat gua takut??" Tapi yang sebenarnya aku gerun jugak ehehe..But contrary to my own speculation it was an apoligizing letter. i was like touched u know. Budak-budak pailang tu minta maaf kat aku? kah kah.
Seriously I cried. Tapi esoknya sama jer perangai diorang. So I let them be lah. What to do? Its their nature.
Sunday, July 9, 2006
it felt soooo indescribably good to be out of the school n back home!seriously u hv no idea, ok.only a week n im a total zombie.get this, i wake up at 6, go to school, run to cc searching for T&L materials, mkn, mlm buat lesson plan for tomorrows class plus d worksheets, got to bed at 3, wake up again next morning at 6 n repeat the whole thing over again. yup, call me mental i dun care less....
this is insane. sooo torturing i dont know if i can make it or not..
oh, n please dont get me started with the brats at school.u see, im not good with kids .really, its not my thing dealing with them so, im sorry if i didnt reach the expectation...but maybe i'll get better gradually eh?
so, a week down 9 left to go.will i still be in the running?will i survive?? counting days is my latest obsession HAHA
on a happy note, congratulations nisaa, deqnor n faz on their new born babies.i wish nothing but happiness to the mother the babies n the families.to nisaa, next time spare me those labouring details okay.u make me think twice even to get married!
Thursday, July 6, 2006
Life isnt getting any better for me nowadays...
I even fight for my O2 inhalation.
Seriously, being a traineel teacher is such a threat.FATAL!!!
On a minor case, its absolutely fun hehe...
You get kids adoring you wherever you go! Errr....provided you are as cute as I am la hehe kidding!
Haiiihhh...bila laa nak abih KPLI ni....
Tak sabar rasanya nak pegi vacation this year end.
I'll be on the other continent (jakun, suhana!)
Wake me up when November ends!
Sunday, June 25, 2006
A lecturer thinks i am a disturbed student. Disturbed??I was like whaat??? I mean, that was some serious s**t??
Okey fine, I was caught redhanded laa while daydreaming in class, hands down. The lecturer made me repeat the last sentence he spoke. Fiiuuuhh...luckily I didnt go far heh! But there was nothing wrong about daydreaming was there?? That doesnt make me some sort of a psycho right?? I was only practicing some escapisme method. Everybody does it once in awhile. Maybe I was overdoing it eh?
Nooo...actually I wasn't daydreaming then. I was thinking. I think a lot, I think hard. I even think when Im asleep. Eerrr I think....I guess thats why I wake up looking fatigue. Somehow I must find a way to overcome this. My processor is running 24-7!
On a separate note, I am a week away from my practicum. I'll be entering school as a trainee teacher. If you ask me, I have nothing to say. Ready?? I dont know. All I know is I wanted sooo much to get out of here. This place suck the happiness out of me instatly. Merciless. This place is a Dementor!
Thursday, June 1, 2006
i received an email recently from an ex-colleague wanting to know how am i doing. well, this kind of email is very rare to me, considering the fact that i...rarely received that kinda email.right.
anyway i thank the old pal for her concern :). i am very sorry for my long silence.it was also my fault.i was too busy for anything or anyone...
so, for those out there, here are some latest happenings in my world.
1. Its school break n im home once again.yep.holiday never felt like heaven before.now ive got the chance to fill up my lungs with O2 enuff for the next term. oh, n im planning of doing nothing but sticking my butt to the floor, untill the floor cracks or something.n watch the TV till my eyes pop out. n sleep,yes!
2. I look 5 inches wider yet im not gaining any weight.how odd is that??so im happy n depressed both at the same time.what do u expect???
3. I drive like crazy nowadays, blame it to the Malaccans drivers. i surely scare the hell out of my friends lol
4. I am not seeing anyone n m far cry from getting married
5. I freak out whenever people wants to matchmake me. i dunno why, but i hv the feeling tht, the other party also hv the same idea about matchmaking.plz, with all due respect, let me find my own soulmates.although my mum saying "u dont mixed around, i know.how can u search for someone?" is soooo true, but i'll think of something....hhmmm....
6. I cry to the latest of Siti's tune.hey, it really is a touching song okey.or probably my PMS tht got me carried away?
7. this chickenpox scars are forever annoying. they really getting on my nerves!when ever can they get rid of themselves??!!
8. Nnnnn.....guys,im one step closer of becoming a teacher!wow, i feel like a reality TV show participant.yep. im slowly swallowing tht hard fact. so kids out there, brace yourselves.im either soft as candy or a ferocious beast. u decide.
Monday, May 15, 2006
Last night I had a dream. In my dream I was losing a tooth. The strange part is, it happened twice in less than two weeks time. I mean, how odd is that?? The very same dream….
I was pretty curious for I’ve never had such an experience. I can still vividly imagine the hideous looking tooth (only in that dream, read me!) if u ask me. It was a cross between something scaly and slimy errghhhhh! It should’ve come out anyway!
So, the concerned matter is, does the dream brings any meaning? Was it some sort of a sign?? Im a lil’ bit too curious to know. The saying I heard was, it means someone close to you is in adversity. How true is that? Well, I do not plan to drag this matter for a long time, since my memory space is sooooo unlimited and i have lots of other important things to think about, so I’ll just leave it here...
On a separate happy note, yesterday a good friend of mine, Mazuin got engaged. At last, after 5 months in Melaka I’ve got the chance to meet her. How exciting!!! Unfortunately, I cant stay long and continue our chats. Gosh, I really miss her funny laughs!! Nway, I wish her nothing but happiness and may God bless u my dear lovely fren!
On another happier note, my one and only butty, Ash began her family trip also yesterday. She sets for Europe n oh, I cant wait to see my sourveniars yay!
Tuesday, May 2, 2006
Did i ever mention that I used to be a very sensitive person?
Apparently I still am, ppffftttt......
I can not watch a soap opera (which I heart hehe!) and witnesses some tragic event or else I'll get carried away easily. I also can not listen to a romantic love song (which I also heart hehe!) or else I'll get carried away too!
I should stop watching and listening to these kind of thing coz they are sinking my brain slowly. And I can not mess around with my emotion, so I might as well stop provoking them.They'll always win I know!
So, recently this super emotion is conquering half of my rationality, which is bad enough fer my health. Oh God, what have I done to myself? I must stop abusing myself. Self abusing is a sin y'know??
The thing is, my mind is distracted. And yet, over a small thing. I cannot think straight. Is getting married a small thing to ponder about? I dunno. Maybe I'll just drop this subject fer say, a year. Then lets see what will happen next year? I promise I'll give it a thought by that time hehe...
I know, running away isnt going to solve anything. Facing the issue is the only way. Okay, I will try to find ways to get rid of this stuff off my head. I had enough. Its hurting me already. Its not that hard. I just have to tell them I do not want them. They can go and pick other pretty girls scattering around the world. Hah! That wasnt so hard at all!
I can do this, right? Right???
I'll bring this to an end.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
This matchmaking thingy is getting rather freakier than I thought.
See, recently a lecturer wants to introduce me to some guy. Again, Im sooo not interested.Where have all the girls gone??Why me??
Sheeeeeshhh...it really baffled me now and then...
I mean, where these bloody people came from??
I can't keep on giving lame, stupid excuses and keep rejecting them everytime without any concrete reason!Heck, they only wanted to get to know me right?Right?? So, there should be no reason for me to get fret is there??
And the word "what goes around, comes around", or "what u give, u get back" keep on chanting wildly in my brain....God!What have I done....
And then came this one guy from...I dont care less, keeps popping up everywhere I go...and I mean everywhere I go!
What a bad coincidence or let me rephrase that as weird coincidence, that we were at the same place at the same time.Oh, pleaseeeee.....dont tell me, I just hate de javu's!!!
Completely annoys me!
Apa sudah jadi ni?
Apa sudah jadi kepada aku??
Waktu terasa semakin berlalu
Tinggalkan cerita tentang kita
Akan tiada lagi kini tawamu
Untuk hapuskan semua sepi di hati
Ada cerita tentang aku dan dia
Dan kita bersama saat dulu kala
Ada cerita tentang masa yang indah
Saat kita berduka saat kita tertawa
Teringat di saat kita tertawa bersama
Ceritakan semua tentang kita......
note to self: by all means, does a person ever has the slighest thought of me setting them free for an obvious reason???
chin up n keep on walking suhana,
something or someone worth waiting is somewhere down the lane.
or so, i thought there'd be one???
Sunday, April 23, 2006
a few weeks back, i experienced something apparently i had on my mind lately before the incident. as usual me and kak aie were travellling back to melaka after spending the sweet short weekend at home.we were just chatting away (oh, alright...of coz we were gossipping!there, i admit it!! also, as usual as soon as we hit the road when suddenly the car engine stopped abruptly...
so, my car brokedown...of coz one thing for sure was, i got panicked as usual, but luckily i hv kak aie whom always act cool hehe.. poyo lah...mestilah panik giler...already i had this imagination of some road bullies doing something horrible to us, or some stupid driver got sleepy and ram the monstrous looking trailer of theirs over us..eeeiii takut seh!!
and these were our actual initial conversation immidiately after the car came to a halt
anna: so what r we gonna do next?
kak aie: call the PLUS RONDA
anna: eerrr...should we get out of the car (picturing some drunk/sleepy monstrous trailer driver ramming us over)
anna: kak, where exactly are we?
kak aie: jap eh.. (while checking out her handphone)kat hp ni ckp maokil
anna: maokil? where the heck is maokil????
anna n kak aie:???????????????
.....and the rest as they say is history eheh...
but later on, i found out that kak aie got even more freaked out than i was, hah!!!anyway, something told her that maokil is located somewhere in muar...and being stranded in the middle of the higway provided that it was around dawn at that time being...talking about wrong time at the wrong place!guys, go figure!
Sunday, April 2, 2006
Friday, March 31, 2006
finally i ended my two weeks observation in SMKTSK.how was it?hmmm let me just put it as...im still battling against my love-hate relationship with my soon to be job *sighs*
one thing i know for sure is that, i can never pull a stern face no matter how ugly they (the pupils) can get!so they are still kids, what do u expect?of coz they act a bit rebellious sometimes...didnt u??
oh, im simply a person full of compassion HAHAHA!no seriously...
tapi tak tau la kot nanti aku pun sama garang?
i mean, it never failed to give me goosebumps just to hear the swishing sound of the canning.
but the fellow teachers there were really rocks!
Sunday, March 19, 2006
tomorrow, i'll be starting my ROS.surely my ears cant be deceiving me when the lecturer told us to do a two weeks school observation.right, that was like a piece of cake was it not?just, school observation.yup.err..the thing is, what people usually do when observing?i dun even have the slightest idea.darn, this is mad!and tomorrow is THE DAY!
my frens in the east coast would be starting today.i should ask how they are doing.okay.time for action.GOD, i dreaded this job already!
Friday, March 17, 2006
some times ago, a gorgeous butty of mine, had posed me a question as to know why is my blog sounds so solemn?and one thoughtful friend apparently been concerned of why hasnt anybody drop any comments in my blog.why???i dunno.it is quite a boring blog is it?so im not a good writer!
well, with all due respects my dear fellow friends, i never had any intention of seeking fame or whatsoever thru my blogging.i even dont give a damn if no one has ever read or accidentally crossed upon my blog.the reason i blog is for..for...errr nothing.i am truly madly dorky!!HAHAHA!!
A week before my semester break, me with my other KPLI mates attended a 4D 3N camping at this one sceneric manmade lake.The lake was true blue, just like the name, Tasik Biru.Cantik!
At first, I was so eager to go n involved in every activities scheduled for us.Yeah, of course it turned up pretty well.I mean, I never had a clue I can swim, n kayaking was so much fun!!The half day fatally walking expedition did leave a mark on my face, which my family it hard to recognise me once im back due to the 'evenly tonne of sunburn' heheh...
Well, one thing I learn about teamwork during this programme is, age apparently does not go parallel with maturity and sensibility.Get it?The older u get does not guaranteed the wiser u will become.I never should have chose that old hag as my team leader for her seniority.Next time I should opt for myself instead.Not that Im any better, but...u know...kind of :D.
Another thing a person will learn in courses like above-mentioned, is about integration n team spirit.Either u make new friends n happily moving on with ur life or u create a bunch of hideous people turn against u, n still struggling to move on with ur life.Life is all about choosing.In my case, well, may be in thate particular term I was talking about, I admit to not have achieved the objective.Heck, I wasnt even close to the objective, due to
that horrible obnoxious cow some reasons I need not have to blog it here, or else, I could be the subject of loathing for the rest of my year there!
All in all, it was definitely a memorable experience I'll cherish.I may be failed to construct a good relationship with other units (I did try damn it,oh dont even get me started!), but in terms of fear-conquering n building self-esteem I passed with FLYING COLOURS!!
Thursday, March 16, 2006
me and my half-wit siblings went to catch a movie last few days.it was nanny mcphee.nice one i must say.instilled some good lessons especially for kids.as for me, having to watch colin firth n a happy ending is more than enuff hehe...
on another note, ive juz realize i had long missed my fav pastime.reading.i even lost track of whats the latest and bestsellers in store.so, strolling around MPH provided that im gila-gila broke, i only manage to get this one.a pocket penguin number 7.well, that explains the minimal and affordable price, heh!not the latest on bookshop shelves tho, but it certainly does in my list.enjoyed it much!
A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO, THAT WAS, A FEW MONTHS AFTER MY LAST BREAK UP TO BE PRECISE, I HAD THIS HORRIBLE IMAGINATION OF ENDING UP MY LIFE AS A PATHETIC SPINSTER LIVING WITH FORTY CATS AND SPENDING THE REST OF MY LIFE REGRETTING THE THINGS I SHOULD OR SHOULDN'T SAID OR DONE IN THE PAST.IN OTHER WORDS, I WAS TERRIFIED OF NOT HAVING ANYBODY BY MY SIDE WHENEVER I NEED ONE.AND FOR THAT REASON, I HAD MY FRIENDS RUNNING AROUND HERE AND THERE, PANICKEDLY SEARCHING FOR A SINGLE GUY AS A REPLACEMENT FOR MY PRIOR LOST.SEE, THAT WAS THE MOST ULTIMATE FOOL OF ME.HOW CAN I BE THAT DESPERATE??SHEEEESHHH.....
BUT NOW...THINGS DID CHANGE QUITE DRASTICALLY.I MEAN, NOW, I CAN ACTUALLY LIVE MY LIFE WITHOUT DEPENDING ON OTHERS.I MUST SAY, IM VERY PROUD OF HOW I CARRY MYSELF NOWADAYS!I REALLY CAN STAND TALL ON MY OWN CUTE LIL FEET!!AND IT WAS THIS TIME AROUND WHEN I THOUGHT EVERYTHING IS PERFECTLY A OKAY, SOMETHING UNEXPECTED CAME IN THE PICTURE.ALL OF A SUDDEN, AS IF EVERYBODY WANTED TO MATCHMAKE ME WITH THEIR SINGLE RELATIVES OR ACQUAINTANCES FROM ALL SORTS...UNBELIVABLE BUT TRUE, EVEN A PAKCIK SEATED NEXT TO ME ON A BUS WANTED TO INTRODUCED ME TO HIS NIECE!WHAT'S GOING ON HERE???I, IN RETURN AS SILLY AS I CAN GET, GOT REALLY, REALLY FREAKED OUT I DONT WHY THE HECK I REACTED AS SUCH!WELL, AS I WAS SAYING, I NEVER EVER EXPECTED SOMETHING LIKE THIS WOULD HAPPEN, NOW THAT I ACTUALLY CLOSE MY HEART TO ANY SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP AND CONCENTRATE ONLY ON MY PROGRAMME...
RIGHT, SO I GOT FREAKED OUT...I MEAN, REMIND ME AGAIN WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO??ITS NOT LIKE I DO NOT APPRECIATED WHAT MY DEAR FRIENDS HAD DONE FOR ME...NO, NOO...THEY ARE JUZ SO SWEEEET N I THANK THEM FOR THEIR CONCERN.BUT REALLY,I KNOW I WAS SUPPOSED TO GET EXCITED, WAS I??THERE IS SOMEBODY OUT THERE WHO STILL FIND ME ATTRACTIVE, IS THERE??WHAT WAS I THINKING....
ONCE, I REMEMBER ANSWERING A QUESTION FROM A CLOSE FRIEND OF MINE.AND I TOLD HER, ALL I WANT IN A GUY IS INTELLECTUALITY.THE SAVANT.NUFF SAID.THAT EXPLAINS IT ALL DOESNT IT?THAT COULDNT BE TOO CRUEL OR TOO MUCH TO ASK RIGHT?RIGHT??
COME TO THINK OF ALL MY STUPID FREAKISH MOMENT, I JUZ CANT HELP MYSELF BUT TO WONDER WHO AM I WAITING FOR IN THIS SHORT BORROWED LIFE?PERHAPS SOMEONE WHOM I LONG KNEW WOULDNT BE MINE FOREVER????
Saturday, March 4, 2006
early this year, i was among the few thousand people who felt very lucky to be selected into this programme. happy, excited and proud of myself.little did i know after about two months of enrollment, fast track lecture and the fatal assignments, the feeling of happiness would somehow slowly fading away and turns into a terrible mixture of feelings i failed to put into a simple phrase.
REALITY CHECK!!did i actually had a second thought of being here?did i really really wanted to be here?and more important is, am i the right person to be here???what have i done??oh my God, what was i thinking??!!i cant be a teacher.i cant be that straight!i cant even open my mouth and throw a single beneficial sentence!how am i, a half demented lunatic able to educate students???my presentations were horrible!my english is the worst!i am making a total fool out of myself!ohhhh, suddenly i miss my previous job.i miss being yelled by my ugly boss...or at least i miss being a DE!
idiot me.how could i let myself being jeopardise!im so screwed!!
what must i do??quit???
last few weeks, i had a fight with my kid sister.A BIG FIGHT.as far as i concerned it never occured to either of us that one day we will involved in such horrific event.i mean, she is the one and only sister ive ever had, and apparently the bestest fren of all my best frens(girls, no offend ok!)...serius...
if there was someone to be blamed for this to happened, that would be me...i shouldnt have yelled and threwnasty words at her.i admit to have been in a very disturbed emotion at that time.of course i feel terrible for upsetting her.and what worse i made her cry.u see, she's known for her stubbornity and fierce , so for her to cry would be over something that was very pain and hurtful!!
i am truly, truly regret for all the things i did, and u have know idea how much i needed a time traveller in my hand and take back all those things i have said.so from now on, i vow to not making any more complaints whatsoever about her.
i love her just the way she is.i love everything about her, be it the best and the worst.i love her for her stubbornness.i love her bossy and fussy attitude.i love taking orders from her.i love cooking and washing undergarments for her.i love her for her laziness.i love it when we do silly and stupid stuffs.i love it when we hum the same tune even by heart as well as shouting the same phrase so every often.
i love her so very much that i agree not to get married if by doing so it would keep the distance off our relationship, if it makes things so awkward afterward.that is how much i love her!
but now, things are back to normal, thank God.hope it would be the first and last genocide we've ever created over something really really stupid!
Thursday, February 16, 2006
i stand, i sit, i walk in a crowd
nothing weird, all seemed normal
but in reality i am alone
i can no longer pretend
i speak just to comfort myself
i laugh just to amuse myself
i cry my heart out
thats the only way i could ease the pain
they look but they dont see
they hear but they cant listen
they speak but they do not tell
they know but they prefer to ignore
why am i paying this for?
for not being as pretty as balqis
for not being as clever as aisyah
for not being as brave as sumaiyyah
sometimes, it is so beautiful
other time, and most of the time...
it is killing me..softly....
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
heard Apa Saja from KRU last night.nice soothing song, obviously had nothing to do with my life, but still i like it.somehow it reminds me strongly of my dear long lost friend IZAN HANI.we kinda lost contact for quite several years.
i wonder how is she doing now.i dont have a clue where she'd be right now.where she works?has she married??with kids???is she still the same ol' cute, lovable, joy and hyper like i used to know her?suddenly all the memories came crashing into my brain.all the bittersweet memories we had during our school days...
wow.i think i miss her.
aahhh...love is in the air this month.so what is it that made this day so special than any other day??the most romantic day of the year??a celebration of LOVE??i used to celebrate this day...back before my enlighment years came into the picture, sooo...
anyway, i somehow had long, long forgotten how does it feels like to love someone and to be loved back in return...haihh..
on another note, i just couldn't get it, why most people simply find it hard to believe of my current status.im SINGLE!!as in single and STILL AVAILABLE!!what can i say?gorgeous people do get single sometimes right??eheheh...
so happy valentine's day to all my lovely friends out there, who do cares about me and are around whenever i need them the most.can't imagine living without them.and to others who also still remember me.at least....
Saturday, February 11, 2006
I think I'd had enough with the Malaysian public transport.Not that I'm holding anything against the public transport.Noooo...really, it makes my life plenty times easier...not to mention the convenient. In fact I love to just sit my lazy butt back on the bus, enjoy the ride and sooner, slump into my deep sweeeet slumber hehe...
Buuuuuuuuut, the thing I dreaded most when riding on any public transport, especially on a long journey, is the passenger seated next to me. Can't they just shut their filthy mouth up?? Can't they see the obvious loathing look sticking on my pretty face??? Were they too stupid to see the meaning of it?? Boy, these kind of people are just simply SELFISH!! Not to mention irrritating. Believe me, I don't mind them being so damn mute and not by all means to prove their courteous hearts of a MAlaysian.
I've even started an arguments, once, just because I POLITELY telling that particular person I am soooooooo sleepy and wanted to take a nap. And that obnoxious person took my action quite the opposite!! I don't get it?What happen to my privacy??! More important, what the heck is possessing them to react as such??!That makes me wonder...do men really are from Mars????Oh well.....
Soooooo starting from now onwards, I won't risk myself taking bus alone, unless with at least a friend. End of story.
I hate it when people could sense my weaknesses, and by all means try to correct me right there into my face. I find them a bit insulting and irritating! I dunno, maybe they came with good intention…but still, I can’t resist the funny feelings crawling in my body whenever this situation happens. Not that I refuse to accepting criticisme…I think, of all people in this world, I’ve experienced the most of embarrassment and humiliation u guys won’t even imagine…oh, don’t bother!
I have also, unfortunately carry this silly trait of having fear of telling people what is right from wrong… even in the most subtle ways! How am I going to correct my student in front of the whole class without feeling sorry or pity for him or her. Surely I'd go all guilty immidiately the moment I do so. I have to think of something very fast!! Hmmm…Yes, maybe I write and acknowledge them…Brilliant!!No, no. That doesn’t sound quite right, does it??
Hey, what am I crapping about? I can do this! I actually long to yell and scold at people like those ladies on the service counter usually did. I just got to build up a bit of courage and confidence. Ha! There. Done. Problem solved!
Or is the writing thing more applicable??
It is true. Nothing beats the comfort of your very own home. Its not because of the luxurious place I live in, nor the high definition TV set I owned. Its simply becuse of the lovely people living in it. Whom I put my whole trust on. Whom I'd sacrifice anything for. Whom always keeps me going, in this cruel n threaten life. Whom the reason I still stand tall and face the world which never gives up in letting me down in return.
Without them I am nothing...Im not even sure where I am at this right moment, had it not them being there to show me the ways. Words cant describe how I appreciate this place I belong. Oh, I just love being home!!
Saturday, February 4, 2006
last weekend, i took my freak kid siblings to the funfair. i, for one to be frank, had never liked the place very much. blasting sounds of irrittating techno music n crowded with people im not sure why they were there, since they seemed lost to me after all...so, had it not been for those darlings, i wouldnt be there at the first place all my life (see how nice a sister i am??!!).
and i get to ride a rollercoaster.yup, it was my first attempt in..err, i dunno 16 years?? the thing is, i never like those extremely high velocity machine. it was my kid sis! she forced me to!! i told u she was a freak!!soo, i got into that horrible thing. i shut my eyes the whole ride..all i can remember was, my heart were pumping like mad, thank God it didnt explode!!Oh, yes....and i scream to the top of my lungs till the end hehehh...and this time seriously, for sure, i swear i'll keep my distance off that ferocious beast...end of story!
p/s:who ever invented those heartstopper thingy anyway??
Monday, January 30, 2006
Monday, January 30th, 2006
I love attending wedding receptions. Everybody looks happy, everybody looks pretty. Yesterday, my bestfriend Shima, got married to the luckiest man alive…. She of course, the prettiest of them all. I dunno why, but I think I love looking at brides. They look so glowing n flawless… if u ask me, I’d like to be as pretty as a bride!!Shima n hubby chose pink as their theme colour.Cute sangat!!"Pink is my favourite colour…Pink is the colour of passion" -Pink, Aerosmith eheheh…
So she’s married…I felt very happy for her, I really do…But no matter how hard I tried to convince her, she can see the sadness in my eyes…maybe laa…Ade lah sedih sikit.. Mana taknye…she’s the only friend I have remain in Kluang…and now she’s leaving…I will be left alone for the umphteenth times I dunno…I hate feeling this way..Feeling left out and unimportant anymore…Surely, things will never be the same again after this…She has her own things to priorities now…
As for me??Oh well, as they say, life must go on…I have to move on no matter who got married right?It’s all written anyway, things happen for a reason…My time will come sooner or later..I’ll just have to wait for the ugly frog prince to appear..Or is it the other way round…hmmmm??
To shima and hubby, I wish them endless happiness n bright future ahead of them.My prayers will always be with u.Till death do them both apart.AMIN.