Sunday, May 9, 2010

Love gives me hope

I know my blog is somehow slowly turnIing out to be of despair and heartbroken nowadays. Guess what, that will all change gradually (fingers crossed!!)

Im beginning to regain my happiness and start over a new life. No fret darls!!!

Nway I find this site never fails to make me smile


I hate myself for...

Nobody is perfect yes I know. Just let me get something out of my chest okay. Coz its been bothering me since forever...

I hate my self for

1. being the eldest sibling in the family. Sometimes the burden is to much for me to carry on my shoulder. I miss my late sister which I have never met. She died a few days after labour

2. being the overprotected child. I grow up to be a timid person now

3. choosing the wrong path in my life. I realize now Im a self- destructive person

4. being the punching bag in school. Even worst i do not have the guts to fight back. I went back home with the neverending tears falling down my cheek feeling so dumb and ashamed

5. not be able to hold on to my dreams and become what I wanted to be career-related. I hate being a teacher so to speak!

6. wanting so much to be Rebecca Bloomwood or Vivian Ward (yeah dream on loser!)

7. my super duper fat ass which I never had a clue where did they come from?

8. feeling so alone yet Im standing in a hustle bustled crowd full of strangers

9. always keep making the wrong decision which ruin my life in return

10. envying other people's happiness. Why cant I be happy?

And for all the abovementioned matter I want to apologised first and foremost to The Mighty one. I never intended to be so ungrateful. I accept my fate and destiny. I believe in the cause and effect of life.

My parents, I know I maybe the most fragile kid when I was little. Thank you to infinity for your unconditional love. I owe you my life

For my dearest siblings. Although you guys can get really ugly at times, well you make my life so colourful! Love you to bits!

My friends which Im not sure I still have thank you for the memories. Thank you for teaching me how to deal with life. I'd be lost without you.

Last but not least to dearest hubby. Thank you for your patience and for always be there whenever I needed you the most. I love you so much. May we find happiness again together. You are my one and only here and afterlife

If I could turn back time...

Yes, if only I could turn back time there is this one particular thing that I really really wanted to erase from my history.

Exactly this time of the year, three years ago I did something that I thought would do good at least to me and my family. Im not denying that there was a slight doubt at that time the decision was made. Little did I know this time of the year three years ago was the last time I ever felt happy.....

To tell you the truth, Im not really the optimistic kinda person but ironically spent almost my entire lfe trying hard to be one. Yup, I force myself to gain the confidence, to have the trust and most important thing is believing that somehow everything will turn out just fine.

Yet, I also spent almost my entire life comforting myself for the hard downfall. Of course the higher you jump, the harder you will fall and thus the excrutiating pains that keeps on coming back. Why do I have to deserve all this?

Friday, May 7, 2010

Drama sebabak di sekolah....

Hey, sorry for the long hiatus. Well, Im not in the mood to do anything just yet. Coz Im waiting for my baby to arrive and its been almost 2 months! I cant hardly wait no more!!!
Err... mind you Im not talking about any foetus or something eheh

So what's up with school? Yes these 2, 3 weeks has been a massive disaster ( everyday of the year is more likely!) to me. You know what? I did something to a boy which my boss refer it as unprofessional. Yeah right whatever.

Tell me whats the pro bout being a teacher. I personally ( no offense to anyone) cant believe I stooped myself this low just to secure a job. I mean teachers to me has always been downgraded as time passes by. No one will remember teachers no more. We are attacked unstopable just because we somehow are just doing our job. People please I beg you just be a good parent and no one gets hurt.

Oh, nway no fret. The abovementioned boy is still alive and intact. No harm done. He's leaving the school for another different school nway starting next week. I dont care. I teach my way and if you have problems with that you can always homeschool your kids or better still you be the TEACHER yourself?

I wonder those kids yg kuat komplen kat mak pak and buruk2kan cikgu to their parent, I seriously want them to exchange places with me say for a week only. See how they turn out to be.

As for me well, I am a okay. I mean I will survive, now that Im taking Xanax
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