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Love gives me hope

I know my blog is somehow slowly turnIing out to be of despair and heartbroken nowadays. Guess what, that will all change gradually (fingers crossed!!)

Im beginning to regain my happiness and start over a new life. No fret darls!!!

Nway I find this site never fails to make me smile

Cheers!!

I hate myself for...

Nobody is perfect yes I know. Just let me get something out of my chest okay. Coz its been bothering me since forever...

I hate my self for

1. being the eldest sibling in the family. Sometimes the burden is to much for me to carry on my shoulder. I miss my late sister which I have never met. She died a few days after labour

2. being the overprotected child. I grow up to be a timid person now

3. choosing the wrong path in my life. I realize now Im a self- destructive person

4. being the punching bag in school. Even worst i do not have the guts to fight back. I went back home with the neverending tears falling down my cheek feeling so dumb and ashamed

5. not be able to hold on to my dreams and become what I wanted to be career-related. I hate being a teacher so to speak!

6. wanting so much to be Rebecca Bloomwood or Vivian Ward (yeah dream on loser!)

7. my super duper fat ass which I never had a clue where did they come from?

8. feeling so alone yet Im standing in a hustle bustled crowd full of strangers

9. always keep making the wrong decision which ruin my life in return

10. envying other people's happiness. Why cant I be happy?

And for all the abovementioned matter I want to apologised first and foremost to The Mighty one. I never intended to be so ungrateful. I accept my fate and destiny. I believe in the cause and effect of life.

My parents, I know I maybe the most fragile kid when I was little. Thank you to infinity for your unconditional love. I owe you my life

For my dearest siblings. Although you guys can get really ugly at times, well you make my life so colourful! Love you to bits!

My friends which Im not sure I still have thank you for the memories. Thank you for teaching me how to deal with life. I'd be lost without you.

Last but not least to dearest hubby. Thank you for your patience and for always be there whenever I needed you the most. I love you so much. May we find happiness again together. You are my one and only here and afterlife

If I could turn back time...

Yes, if only I could turn back time there is this one particular thing that I really really wanted to erase from my history.

Exactly this time of the year, three years ago I did something that I thought would do good at least to me and my family. Im not denying that there was a slight doubt at that time the decision was made. Little did I know this time of the year three years ago was the last time I ever felt happy.....

To tell you the truth, Im not really the optimistic kinda person but ironically spent almost my entire lfe trying hard to be one. Yup, I force myself to gain the confidence, to have the trust and most important thing is believing that somehow everything will turn out just fine.

Yet, I also spent almost my entire life comforting myself for the hard downfall. Of course the higher you jump, the harder you will fall and thus the excrutiating pains that keeps on coming back. Why do I have to deserve all this?

Drama sebabak di sekolah....

Hey, sorry for the long hiatus. Well, Im not in the mood to do anything just yet. Coz Im waiting for my baby to arrive and its been almost 2 months! I cant hardly wait no more!!!
Err... mind you Im not talking about any foetus or something eheh

So what's up with school? Yes these 2, 3 weeks has been a massive disaster ( everyday of the year is more likely!) to me. You know what? I did something to a boy which my boss refer it as unprofessional. Yeah right whatever.

Tell me whats the pro bout being a teacher. I personally ( no offense to anyone) cant believe I stooped myself this low just to secure a job. I mean teachers to me has always been downgraded as time passes by. No one will remember teachers no more. We are attacked unstopable just because we somehow are just doing our job. People please I beg you just be a good parent and no one gets hurt.

Oh, nway no fret. The abovementioned boy is still alive and intact. No harm done. He's leaving the school for another different school nway starting next week. I dont care. I teach my way and if you have problems with that you can always homeschool your kids or better still you be the TEACHER yourself?

I wonder those kids yg kuat komplen kat mak pak and buruk2kan cikgu to their parent, I seriously want them to exchange places with me say for a week only. See how they turn out to be.

As for me well, I am a okay. I mean I will survive, now that Im taking Xanax

Miss You Love

Hey you!
Yes you there with funny face!
Missing you already!!!

Hubby will be away till Saturday. Job related. Sent him off to the bus this morning and now Im feeling a bit drowsy. See, Im not a morning person so hehe

Meanwhile Im staying at my parents for the whole week. I think...

I prefer staying home but alone?? You know how paranoid I can be???

Nway Mister Hubby please do take extra care and do not even think to do what I do not want you to do hehe

Oh, in case you find me a little obnoxious yes I've never been apart from him this long hehe

So Im a pampered person

You got problem?

Dont hate me coz Im beautiful....

I do not know about you, but if you ask me I am very cautious of my every movement every single words I say. Meaning that I do not simply use my sharp or harsh words against people. Well, yes I may sound sarcastic to some people but only if I am provoked. I am just defending myself not wanting others to take me as their daily jokes.

Nway, there are these two teachers in my school surprisingly I am pretty much close to them. But secretly I am a bit annoyed with them both. Knowing me or any other teachers we are gifted with a special talent to act. So I act normal, pretending I am not moved by their words or actions.

I am not yet blessed with my own baby. Can you please stop teasing me with the baby making thing? Its not funny.

I know you are still thrilled with your newborn but would you just stop sending me flashnews about him every now and then? Or make it less. It make sme sick sometimes.

Yes you got another designer handbag this month from your hubby. That makes total of them hhmmm lets see...200 already? Why tell me all these when you know I cant afford it in a million years? Dont you care about others feelings?

I am pathetic.

Hubby officially prohibit me from getting near them. Oh, did I mention that they will come to me unfailingly to purposely do their stuff? I dont have to go anywhere.

To be optimist, maybe they do not realise that they were actually hurting me inside. Maybe they just wanted to share thleir excitement. Or maybe its just me?

Rain, you made my day

Its raining outside.

I like this kind of rain.

Not that heavy.

Just enough to give me the tranquility.

The peace of mind

Thank you dear rain, please come again another day!!

The school is no more a safe place...

Oh, I am so angry right now regarding the incident from yesterday. While all the teachers were having meetings with the VIPs some scoundrels students well, maybe he/she acted alone, stole a laptop from teachers staffroom.

Strange the laptop was missing due to the fact that this colleague of mine put it in a bag, no way a student could suspect a valuable thing like a lappy was inside. Unless...

And funny that mine was also barenakedly there and they didnt just take it. If they really wanted a lappy la kan. Clearly they were ransacking the bag. Poor her... I mean the staffroom are suppose to be a private area for teachers. This incident is far from our wildest imagination.

I do not believe that kids nowadays would go to that extent of behaviour. God, we are their teachers! To some student we know them way better than their parents do. We care about their future. And this is the way they pay their respects?

Now tell me what else could teacher do wrongs??

Its sickening...

Melancholic

Lately feeling a lil bit down. Dunno why dont ask. But I think maybe because of some issues I've been holding inside for quite some time...

For the time being all I want to do is just lie down and listen to Mariah. Soothing to the ear down to my heart.

Anyway, on another separate note, I shock myself by making a scene in front of a bunch of important strangers (read:nazir sekolah) by bursting tears crying a river!

Well thats me of course, the drama queen.

Zero Courtesy

Have you ever been in a situation where someone in the lines involving PR never actually practice their PR skills properly? Well I do!! Countless time!!!

For instance just this evening I went to find some chiffon fabric for my sister. Went to one famous fabric store in town with a TOTAL LOWSY SERVICE !!! See one thing that I really can not tolerate is rude people. Seriously very rude. With the words coming out from her filthy mouth, with the annoying eye contact and facial expression. Errgghh... really make me want to slap her hard!

Nnway, the conversation went something like this:

Me : Kak, berapa harga semeter kain ni?
Kak biadab: ( responding while her eyes were scanning some place else) RM3.90
M: Saya nak beli 4 meter bole kurang tak kak?
KB: (with her half yelling tone and bulging eyes) Ni dah habis offer ni dik kalau tak RM4.80 tau!

Okay, part ni yang memang tak boleh blah please continue reading

M: (still trying to sound oh so nice) Ok la kak. So 4 meter berapa ringgit?
KB: Eh, awak kirelah sendiri awak kan orang muda??!!
M: (ha ni aku mmg dah tinggi suara) Aik? saya kan customer kak ??!!

Whats with the attitude? Hey, ingat aku takde duit ke nak bayar. Oh kalau kau cakap kurang ajar dengan aku takpe kan? Tapi cube kalau aku tengking anak kau yang tak pernah siapkan kerja sekolah tu boleh? Tau kau nak pi repot kat paper kan? Memang cilaka la orang jenis macam ni. Spoil mood aku betol.

Oh btw I end up buying the kain anyway. Sigh...

To those out there, doesnt matter if you are a sales person, bank officer, clerk or a toilet attendant please do not mix personal life with your profession. Do not use us as your punching bag. I heard some shit about respect, you have to earn it. Fine. But being courteous come on la...

Mode: Hibernate

Okay, Im still not in the mood to do school-related work. So what I do besides blogging is watching tv. And I mean A LOT of tv!!! Come on guys, everybody needs a break once in a while right?

Anyway, currently Im highly addicted to these two

CSI Vegas ( who doesn't eh?)

NCIS (eh, not bad tau !)

Cant wait for these two upcoming new season. House and desperate housewives woohooo !!!!!!

kinda miss this lunatic doctor

its gonna get even juicier...

So Im pretending that school will not be opening for at least another two weeks (oh, Im so in denial!!)

Can I just be a housewife dear? (read:hubby) * batting my eyelashes very hard huhu*

Ultimate Procrastinator

Its Thursday already??? Seriously time did fly fast these days. And what was I doing for the past few days? Hmmm... let me see woke up late, surfing the net, eating, sleeping, watch tv, eat some more and surfing the net again stay up late and oh, did I mentioned eating?? Theres goes my diet for the thousandth times.

Honestly that is the things that I look forward everytime school holiday comes around. Just lazying around. My brain refuse to think about anything. Although there's actually quite a few stuffs needed to be done and to be hand in first thing on Monday. Guess what? I haven't start a thing yet!!!

Sighhhh.....

Help me to find the strength y'alls...

The sale is ON

Terms and Conditions

1. All items are preloved but still in good condition.
2. Item sold are not refundable or returnable.
3. Price shown includes shipping.
4. No reservation. First come first serve basis.
5. All payments are through Maybank or CIMB (account number will be given later).
6. All postings is via Pos Ekspres.
7. Purchasing is at your own risk. We will not be responsible for any kind of damages or losses during the shipping.
8. Delivery will be on Monday to Friday only, the next day after full payment
9. To order and any enquiries, please email me at caffeina11@yahoo.com
10. Thank you for shopping with us!

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Size: L

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BJ 004

Brand: Scarlet

Size: L

Colour: Peach

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BJ 005

Brand : Reject Shop

Size: M

Colour: Brown

Price: RM20

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Brand: British India

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with slight defect on the waistline

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Brand: Scarlet

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HB 001

Price: RM 15

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HB 002

Price: RM 15
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HB 003

Price: RM 15
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Self Conflict

I know I should put this matter far behind long time ago. I mean its been more than 3 years already. But someone I like the least in school today just couldnt resist provoking me with her stupid idea.

Soon she will be as tough Principal like her mother. She got the size of her mum already you see said this one annoying fellow colleague of mine to the other teachers. I thought the cafe is a place to chill out. A 20 min getaway from the much depressing dog-eat-dog world outside. But no, ada pulak makhluk puaka yang sesat kay!

The thing is I do not like the idea of this person who thinks I am inspired by my mother (who happens to be a teacher) of what I became now. Well really if you ask me I think I was cursed to be a teacher. The whole other side of me (read : worst) revealed and never did I see after all these years the best part of me blossoming because of this job. No offense to all the teachers out there

Naturally I just miss my old job and hanging out with my wacky friends. Thats all.

Butty on my wedding ( She's gonna kill me for this!)

Cat Story

If you must know, I had a few pet cats within the past 5 years but unfortunately they were all died tragically. Well, not all of them die, one we let him go on purpose and one more run away with his girl hehe...

It was indeed frustrating you know, not having the chance to see them grow up. Sangat envy okay, with some of my frens who got to keep their pets alive to date. My entire family especially me, my sis and my mum, we love cats so much we were crying rivers on the day they died. I mean, I didnt even cry that hard when my grandmum passed away. Hurrmmm...

For the time being we havent got to keep any cats yet. I wanted to but hubby said hold on first. Oh, maybe he secretly is palnning to buy me a Persian breed?? *wink wink*

I got this from some people saying why you keep pets, soon if you have kids it could cause asthma to your kids. Well good news everyone the theory is just a total myth (read:hubby) and I for one think that the whole propaganda myth about cats causing asthma was invented by a serious cat haters! Huhu

Nway really miss those time when the cat waited for us to come home....

Kiko in memory

The One Lucky Girl

The Biggest Loser Asia definitely kept me stuck in front of the tv each time the series' on air. Sitting on the couch religiously every tuesday night and errr munching something on (so much an inspirational show eh, suhana?)

And tonight they were announcing the final four contestants that made it to the finale. For those who followed this show would know that Martha won the golden ticket to the finale for free. Yes, she won the immunity and get to be the final four despite of the not so proud weight loss she's been pulling throughout the show. Oh, and did you see the smirk on her face? Shheeeshh...

Could see the obvious faces of honest disbelief among other contestants since Martha for a few consecutive weeks has always been below the yellow line. You are damn one lucky girl there babe! That kind of luck you dont get to see em everyday. One of a kind!

Nway, all the best to the final four. Break a leg y'all!!

Garage Sale

Hey all,

I am letting go some of my stuff here mainly my clothes which I no longer can fit in. Yeah you heard me right.

I gained weight like a blink of an eye people. Its madness!! Seriously guys, I went from an S to an L within 5 years. Sheeeeshh I really have to do something fast!!

Nway, the sale is not until this weekend so stay tuned kay!

Do dreams come true??

I was smiling upon waking up this morning and feeling so alive (and thank God Im still breathing) because of a dream. Not just an ordinary dreams but this one is the best I ever had. Finally she, the one who makes my life so miserable and transforming the school into a complete living hell has been transfered some place else.

Damn it felt so good!! Oh, seriously as Im writing this, I still can picture vividly how I was celebrating during her last day. Although it happened only in my dream but heck it was a wonderful feeling!!

Being at peace without nobody watching me, without anybody telling me that it is against the law to be as klutz as I am (oh really that is normal me) is one of the top in my wish list.

I wonder when this particular dream of mine will actually come true? Fingers crossed!!

Baby Blues

This year would be the third year of our marriage and yet its still the two of us. I know everyone in my family were anxious waiting for the tiny feet to pop out since like, well since the few months after we got married.

But unfortunately, after so many years (well at least to me) beyond my intention to let anybody down still no sign of the new person to appear. I was a little depressed of course but only when people shove me with the baby related questions or statements. After sometimes my depression went to the extent of annoyance to hear people make fun of us not knowing how to make babies. Inside I was swearing so hard that the kids they are having now, would be the last one popping out from their private parts. Well, just so they now how painful it is to want to conceive so badly but u cant. Yup I am that vindictive.

Nway, no fret darls coz all the thoughts were only my imaginations. Its all in my head. I can assure you guys I will never give up and will wait my whole life for my baby.

To baby, wherever you are mummy and daddy are so eager to meet you. Please dont keep us waiting that long. We haven't got that much time you know huhu...

Do pray for us you peeps out there k!

My only niece Syahmina

Double Celebration

Its February and its a month of celebration!! Nope am not talking about CNY ye, this is about the birthday of the two most important men in my life. Abah and hubby dearest!!!

gambo ala ala reminiscence time baru kawin dolu dolu huhu

Oppsss abah watch your sugar intake hehe...

Hubby dearest' was on the 15th and Abah's was on the 19th. I know its kinda a late entry but still, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my dearest!!! Abah turned 62 and hubby is 30 ( oh, 30ish already yang? huhu ). May ALLAH blessed you both with all the bestest things in life that He can offer. I LOVE YOU BOTH SOOOO VERY MUCH!

New year new blog

Hey darls

So hubby transfered all my blog postings from Friendster to here (thank u dear!!). Good bye Friendster hehe. My last entry was on 2008 and I never care about my friendster acc ever since.

What keeping me so busy eh?

Neway, today is the last day of school holiday. Im preparing mentally, physically and most importantly emotionally to face all new challenges tomorow.

Brace yourselves kids !!!