lonesome

i stand, i sit, i walk in a crowd

nothing weird, all seemed normal

but in reality i am alone

i can no longer pretend

i speak just to comfort myself

i laugh just to amuse myself

i cry my heart out

thats the only way i could ease the pain

they look but they dont see

they hear but they cant listen

they speak but they do not tell

they know but they prefer to ignore

why am i paying this for?

for not being as pretty as balqis

for not being as clever as aisyah

for not being as brave as sumaiyyah

loneliness...

sometimes, it is so beautiful

other time, and most of the time...

it is killing me..softly....

out of the blue

heard Apa Saja from KRU last night.nice soothing song, obviously had nothing to do with my life, but still i like it.somehow it reminds me strongly of my dear long lost friend IZAN HANI.we kinda lost contact for quite several years.

i wonder how is she doing now.i dont have a clue where she'd be right now.where she works?has she married??with kids???is she still the same ol' cute, lovable, joy and hyper like i used to know her?suddenly all the memories came crashing into my brain.all the bittersweet memories we had during our school days...

wow.i think i miss her.

of valentine's day and being single

aahhh...love is in the air this month.so what is it that made this day so special than any other day??the most romantic day of the year??a celebration of LOVE??i used to celebrate this day...back before my enlighment years came into the picture, sooo...

anyway, i somehow had long, long forgotten how does it feels like to love someone and to be loved back in return...haihh..

on another note, i just couldn't get it, why most people simply find it hard to believe of my current status.im SINGLE!!as in single and STILL AVAILABLE!!what can i say?gorgeous people do get single sometimes right??eheheh...

so happy valentine's day to all my lovely friends out there, who do cares about me and are around whenever i need them the most.can't imagine living without them.and to others who also still remember me.at least....

riding the bus on my own

I think I'd had enough with the Malaysian public transport.Not that I'm holding anything against the public transport.Noooo...really, it makes my life plenty times easier...not to mention the convenient. In fact I love to just sit my lazy butt back on the bus, enjoy the ride and sooner, slump into my deep sweeeet slumber hehe...

Buuuuuuuuut, the thing I dreaded most when riding on any public transport, especially on a long journey, is the passenger seated next to me. Can't they just shut their filthy mouth up?? Can't they see the obvious loathing look sticking on my pretty face??? Were they too stupid to see the meaning of it?? Boy, these kind of people are just simply SELFISH!! Not to mention irrritating. Believe me, I don't mind them being so damn mute and not by all means to prove their courteous hearts of a MAlaysian.

I've even started an arguments, once, just because I POLITELY telling that particular person I am soooooooo sleepy and wanted to take a nap. And that obnoxious person took my action quite the opposite!! I don't get it?What happen to my privacy??! More important, what the heck is possessing them to react as such??!That makes me wonder...do men really are from Mars????Oh well.....

Soooooo starting from now onwards, I won't risk myself taking bus alone, unless with at least a friend. End of story.

truth hurts

I hate it when people could sense my weaknesses, and by all means try to correct me right there into my face. I find them a bit insulting and irritating! I dunno, maybe they came with good intention…but still, I can’t resist the funny feelings crawling in my body whenever this situation happens. Not that I refuse to accepting criticisme…I think, of all people in this world, I’ve experienced the most of embarrassment and humiliation u guys won’t even imagine…oh, don’t bother!

I have also, unfortunately carry this silly trait of having fear of telling people what is right from wrong… even in the most subtle ways! How am I going to correct my student in front of the whole class without feeling sorry or pity for him or her. Surely I'd go all guilty immidiately the moment I do so. I have to think of something very fast!! Hmmm…Yes, maybe I write and acknowledge them…Brilliant!!No, no. That doesn’t sound quite right, does it??

Hey, what am I crapping about? I can do this! I actually long to yell and scold at people like those ladies on the service counter usually did. I just got to build up a bit of courage and confidence. Ha! There. Done. Problem solved!

Or is the writing thing more applicable??

home Sweet Home

It is true. Nothing beats the comfort of your very own home. Its not because of the luxurious place I live in, nor the high definition TV set I owned. Its simply becuse of the lovely people living in it. Whom I put my whole trust on. Whom I'd sacrifice anything for. Whom always keeps me going, in this cruel n threaten life. Whom the reason I still stand tall and face the world which never gives up in letting me down in return.

Without them I am nothing...Im not even sure where I am at this right moment, had it not them being there to show me the ways. Words cant describe how I appreciate this place I belong. Oh, I just love being home!!

the rollercoaster ride

last weekend, i took my freak kid siblings to the funfair. i, for one to be frank, had never liked the place very much. blasting sounds of irrittating techno music n crowded with people im not sure why they were there, since they seemed lost to me after all...so, had it not been for those darlings, i wouldnt be there at the first place all my life (see how nice a sister i am??!!).

and i get to ride a rollercoaster.yup, it was my first attempt in..err, i dunno 16 years?? the thing is, i never like those extremely high velocity machine. it was my kid sis! she forced me to!! i told u she was a freak!!soo, i got into that horrible thing. i shut my eyes the whole ride..all i can remember was, my heart were pumping like mad, thank God it didnt explode!!Oh, yes....and i scream to the top of my lungs till the end hehehh...and this time seriously, for sure, i swear i'll keep my distance off that ferocious beast...end of story!

p/s:who ever invented those heartstopper thingy anyway??